So this beautiful, glorious photo of a sunset on a beach is exactly what I expected this stage of my life to look like. The only thing missing is me lying on it with a cocktail in my hand, grinning like an idiot. I do have a cocktail in my hand, but I’m not grinning like a giddy idiot.
I’m 43, excuse me, 44 (ever since I turned 30, I can’t remember or, better yet, process how old I am. In 6 years I’ll be 50. Half a century. Time moves fast. My boys are 6 years old-I remember when they were born-and now here they are-6 years later. Like, poof! Tomorrow they’ll be married with children. And I’ll wonder where the hell the time went.
I can’t seem to get it into my head that I’m getting older. That life is not a beach and then you die. Where the hell was I when life happened? I’m a mother and a wife–spoiler alert, that’s about to change but I’m saving that lovely drama for later posts.
So, I say all to say this-the picture you see is what I yearn for-what I hoped my life would look like if not now at least at some point; sunset and calm, tranquil waters, slow rolling waves–peace. But the way things are looking, it doesn’t seem it’s gonna play out that way for me. Our saga begins with a broken marriage, an unemployed, bitter, resentful and angry mom, trying to grab just a little bit of the pie-shoot, I’ll take a sliver, it doesn’t have to be the whole damn slice!
I wasn’t supposed to be here-but then, how many of us are? I recognize that I do not have my shit together. I’m a 43 (shit, there I go again), I mean 44 year old baby! I’m just starting to figure this life business out. I actually have a plan for once. I think. But at least now I know who I am. You’ll get to know me too and my tastes for the bubbly–and other libations. It’s nice to meet you friends, and I’m looking forward to your company on this journey.
One thought on “And Now We Begin…”
What the hell, it’s my first blog post in like 6 years, so I’m gonna congratulate myself, and have a glass of…yes, you know-to celebrate!