A BEAUTIFUL DISASTER PART I

Sam read and re-read the email. She’d made a match! Finally. Her girls (and some of her boys) told her it was about time to get on Tinder–“hit it, quit it” bitch-they’d say. Easiest way to bet over heartbreak. Sam had been there, done that, now she was too old for that.

Yes. She wanted to get laid, but she needed more. She wanted someone to snuggle next to (God how she missed that) and to binge watch her latest Netflix obsession, without judgment. She wanted someone to stay a while, even if only for a short while.

That’s why she took the time to fill out the in-depth dating profile on this dating ap she’d stumbled upon called “Minder.”  Sam thought it was clever–the word play and all–it seemed that minder catered to the “thinking” crowd. Whoever they were. Sam had nothing to hide, well certainly there was always something to hide but…

Fuck that. She thought.  Fuck the lying. Fuck pretending. It was exhausting. Lying took up time she could no longer waste.  The shit was what it was. Sam had herpes.  She’d never had an outbreak since her she was diagnosed 20 years ago, and she’d been celibate since…him.

He told her she had ‘magic’–pure gold between her thick thighs. She believed him too. The way they swarmed, and coveted her back then…  Despite the grueling trysts with stair masters, squats, and deadlifts, age was creeping up on her. Her currency had been devalued. Even though she’d been made to believe that her tits were otherworldly; she’d been told they would defy gravity until the end of time, until they had not. Not only her breasts, but her once taut, muscular thighs and biceps were overcome with cellulite. Her skin jiggled and sagged in places she could never have imagined 20 years ago, during her prime.  She’d always been in her prime.

Now, she was who she swore she’d never be. And she wasn’t even that old.

So, when he winked at her, instinctively, she winked back.  She could admit that he was too handsome to be on a dating site. What could he possibly want with her? It didn’t matter, he winked at her!  It had been a long time since she’d been winked at, in public or cyberspace. She welcomed the attention. 

After years of invisibility, it was a relief finally, to be seen…even by him.

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